not cool...nope not cool

So I may have mentioned that I have rheumatoid arthritis. Normally I try not to let it bother me, but today I have decided that I would like to give it back to wherever the hell it came from. Grrr. I got new meds and yeah it isn't really working.
Maybe I should explain.

First for those of you that don't know what RA is visit www.insidera.com. It has a lot of great information. The easiest way I can explain it, is that it is an auto immune deficeny. Basically my body sees my joints as foriegn objests and attacks them. It leads for some real fun times, let me tell you.
Things like putting a key on a key ring, playing a video game, opening a medication bottle, those are all increasingly difficult for me. My hands just don't work as well as other peoples. It happens, I have adjusted and honestly if you met me I would like to think you wouldn't even realize that there was anything wrong. Yes I offer people one hand over the other, yes I tend to hide the fact that my left hand can not lay flat, nor make a fist and yes I hide the fact that my fingers bend outward. But really for me I don't see to much of a difference.

Well until this past week or so. I went to the doctor, who sent me for bloodwork and xrays. Fun right? So I get all that done. And the x rays were to see why my back was spasming. Which is always a positive. The doctor also decided to give me a new medication. So I am thinking, Awesome... this will help. Yeah not so much. I have been on the new meds for a little over a week now. And I know some of you are saying.. Amanda give it a chance. And trust me I am.
See the first few days, I felt amazing! I mean I could make a fist (something I have not been able to do in 3 years) and I was like wow! I mean my stomach was a bit upset, but that is the price I pay. Well now a week into it, I feel no different than I did before the meds, in fact I feel worse. So I am thinking what the heck is going on?

The meds were supposed to work, just like the yoga and the chriopractor , and the water aerobics and all the other crazy things that I have tried to aleve the pain. It doesn't work. Or at least right now it doesn't. And I am annoyed. I can't sleep, cause of the pain. Yuck on that too.

I just want my husband here. He helps with the pain. He always knows when to rub my hands or when he needs to open the bottles and what not for me. I mean seriously I remember a time when I needed my meds sooo bad and I couldn't for the life of me open the bottle. It just hurt to much. This was when I lived on Millenia. Anyway I was in tears. I tried for 2 hours. My roommate wasn't home. I had to knock on a neighbors door, crying and ask for help. After hearing that story, Jack made sure my meds were in ziploc bags that I could open and labeled with what they were. It was awesome.

The pain just sucks right now. And although typing does not really help, I needed to get this out somewhere.

So yeah... this is kind of a vent... nothing to happy here tonight.. sorry guys. I just needed to get all that out.
I hope that everyone had a great weekend. I will update the pictures of the day soon.

JMS - I miss you alot and I love you more than anything. I am counting down the days. So glad May is officially over... another month down. Stay safe my heart.

XoXo
Amanda