time is counting down

So as I sit here writing this, I realize that time is counting down for this deployment to start. I am not excited about it in the least. But in the same sense I want it to go ahead and get started so that it can go ahead and get over with.

We found out about this deployment back in May. You would think that would give me enough time to get used to the idea and be ready for it. Heck I thought that way to. And for a while I was ready. He went off to Mohave Viper and I was all good. I had a plan. I worked insane amounts of hours and kept myself busy. Then he came home for the month and now I don't want him to leave. This stinks.

I know that I can handle the deployment. I know I will get through it. I have some amazing friends who have been through it and have all told that they would be there for me. I can not thank them enough. It helps knowing that I have friends who have been there. Our KV called the other day, I think that is what made me realize that we were so close. Its crazy.

I still have a plan to keep myself busy while he is gone. We have a plan for when he gets home. I mean I have to sell the house and get everything ready so we can go active duty. I just know that there will be hard days, for both of us. Jack and I are each others best friends. It is hard for us to be apart from one another.

I am so incredibly proud of Jack. He is doing this for us. I know that. I know that he works hard and is a good Marine. I know that in the grand scheme of things 9 months really isn't that long (especially if we have been successful in our ttc efforts this month). I mean we do have a lifetime to be together.

I guess I am just scared. So much can happen. Jack is my world and for him to be in harms way terrifies me. As I am sure it terrifies countless other men and women to know that their loved ones are in harms way. I am going to be strong for him as I know I need to be. But I do know that the next few months won't be easy.

I tried to reach out to some friends from home for support. I will be honest in saying that I honestly don't see that happening. I have called my friends from college, left messages, emailed them. I just don't seem to be getting any responses. I feel like I am the one that is trying but I understand that they are busy, that they all have things going on to. I guess I just hoped that they would be there to listen. I know that they probably don't understand...and I am not asking them to, I am asking them to listen. I guess we are all just going in different directions. It makes me sad but it also makes me thankful for the friends I do have that listen and understand.

Didn't mean for that vent to get in there....I guess it just spilled out.

Anyway hope everyone has a great day!
xoxo
Amanda